Back to the beginning...

After at least 9 years of no dancing (Beyonce club-style dancing doesn't count)  I decided enough was enough.  I had to stop 'letting life get in the way', which is a phrase my slimming world consultant over-uses and I utterly loathe.

Being apart from what you love for so long doesn't just pull at your heart strings, it can break them if your not careful.

I was 18 and had twinkled-toed my way right up to 'Advanced Two' during my time at the City Academy of Ballet, in my home town.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with ballet exam terminology, there are numbered grades 1-5, some methods of ballet differ from others, including a grade 6 but I was taught the Russian method.  We had Grades 1-5.  Each consisting of a  'lower' and an 'upper' exam.  So we took 10 exams in total before we started taking what are considered to be professional examinations.  Then you would progress onto 'Intermediate Foundation', 'Intermediate',  'Advanced One' and finally 'Advanced Two'.

So I was working at Advanced Two level in my final year at my school before I had to leave to start my new adventures at university.

After three years of university and half-heartedly trying to attend various ballet classes but not quite ever fitting in or having the time to commit properly, I started to lose my skill, ability and body.  Always thinking in my mind 'Oh it's not been that long, I'll go back when I return home and pick up where I left off.'.  What happened?  Life got in the way, that's what happened. Ha.

Three years later, I returned home with degree in hand.  My first job was at a local TV studio and I progressed up the ranks in the years to come.  The trouble was, my hours of work were glued within unstable and unpredictable patterns.  I knew I couldn't commit to regular ballet classes and as my former principle used to say, 'If you can't commit, it's as good as not showing up, ever'.  I fully agreed with her.  Ballet isn't something to be treated like a hobby even though technically, it is.

Still.  I told myself that I would only be in this line of work for a year or so.

5 years on and 4 career jumps later, there was a time I could have possibly returned to ballet, however I had a slight near-death experience that left me out of work for 6 months and nowhere near ballet-bodied for a good year after that.  I did however, attend pilates and do exersises at home so that my limbs didn't completely turn to mush.

After the 6 year mark, I found myself applying for a charity job which had been a tiny distant 'one day' dream of mine.  After gaining client management experience in the TV/retail sector, I decided I had enough experience under my belt to jump ship.

FINALLY believing I was now in a position to go back to ballet and FULLY commit, I enrolled in a newer local dance company.  I didn't feel I could show my face at my old school after losing my ability to even perform a decent plie without rolling my feet or turning my knees in.

When I looked up from 'life' and opened my weary little peepers, I realised 9 years had passed since I was fully immersed in the world of ballet.  It may sounds stupid, but I was genuinely shocked when I found that my body refused to do ANYTHING that resembled what I once knew as natural.  It was very very depressing.  I was disappointed and angry at myself that I had lost something that I held so dear. How very bloody careless of me.

You really do tell yourself each year, 'It's like riding a bike- I haven't forgotten anything in my mind so it shouldn't take long for my body to catch up.  It's not been that long.............right!??'.  WRONG.  YOUR BODY HATES YOU FOR BEING A BUSY, SELF-INDULGENT MESS WITH NO RESPECT FOR YOUR PASSION.  Ok, I may be being slightly hard on myself there, but that is honestly how angry I was with myself once I realised it wasn't going to be as easy as I'd thought.

But I tell you what- my heart was finally happy again. Hearing the bouncy piano notes waft through the waiting room of the ballet school. Watching the excitement, sparkle in the eyes of people leaving classes- hyped up on adrenaline.  Glossy frames of ballerinas gone-by, adorning the hallways to the studios.  Barres, mirrors, ballet shoes.

I'm finally home.

"If your heart knows where you should be, you will always end up at the right place in the end."