After I'd been back at the barre for a couple of classes, I quickly realised that it would take a long time to rebuild strength in my ankles, legs and core. My arabesques would no longer go above a 90 degree angle and my arches were decidedly flat.
I think after hanging up my pointe shoes many years back, my feet had actually straightened out. The bunions looks less fierce and my blisters had faded. Obviously they were healthier now but useless in terms of beautiful ballet feet. I made a mental note to work on foot stretches.
I asked one of the teachers if I could observe a grade 5 class of hers, thinking this would probably be the best place to start back at the beginning. All the students were between 16 and 19 and seemed to be capable of performing most moves with little complexity. As I had finished my previous training at 'Advanced Two', there was no way I would be able to start back from there again so I decided this class was a good place to get back to working on my technique and strength.
After two sessions in the grade 5 class I found this really was the perfect place for now. I knew all the set exercises, sequences and movements like I'd never been away, but every time I looked in the mirror, it reminded me how far behind my body was. The moves were easy to remember but not so easy that I wasn't challenging myself. I had a good platform here.
I began to feel like I needed more (when you get the bug you seem to make your whole life about ballet). So I signed up to an extra ballet class later on in the week actually designed for 'Adult' ballet dancers. In this class there were people of all ages and sizes which was great! The teacher was less formal and more about making the class to suit everyone. The trouble was, there were complete beginners in the class too, so the work was sometimes simply how to tendu and degagé properly.
It began to get a little tedious, however the teacher would always make up sequences and mini-dances to accommodate the rest of us who wanted to do more. I suppose this is a fun and 'freeing' way of taking class because it doesn't bind you to making improvements on specific areas and it is more about having fun. The thing is, I didn't want my class to be random and fun. It may sound silly but I want to work hard and improve. I don't mind messing around a bit once I've made some kind of progress but this class felt a little 'loose' for me. Not only that, but the teacher would fit in far fewer exercises and allowed too much chat in between each. I didn't feel like I was working up enough of a sweat or focussing on improving quite enough.
Then it happened. In the adult ballet class, there was quite an unconventional way of warming up. Everyone would form a circle and do a variation of side-steps and gallops. However, as this was such an odd way of warming up to me, my muscles weren't used to it. That, combined with the fear of falling over, or not quite keeping up with the lady in front of me, I found myself constantly over compensating to try and keep my balance and felt very 'stiff' in my movements.
I tensed up further as the music ran away with itself and I felt a huge 'SNAP' in my lower calf. 'Ohmegawd-ohmegawd-ohmegaaaaawd!!! What happened!!?'. The odd sensation crawled its way around my whole lower leg, mutating into an agonising pain that left me quite light-headed. In my 15 years of full time ballet as a young girl, I had NEVER injured myself. Never broken a bone. Never fractured a bone. Never even pulled a muscle. So when this happened, I had no idea what I had actually done.
I carried on the rest of the class and took it a bit easier, not using that leg where I could help it. I thought I'd perhaps just pulled the muscle and it would get better over the next few days. Over the next few days it actually felt worse, if anything. I decided I'd better get it checked out at my local doctor's. He said my muscle seemed fine, nice and soft. 'Maybe just rest for a few more days and take it a bit easier when you go back to class'. (Later, my physio told me this was the worst and most lazy answer you can give anyone who's injured themselves whilst dancing).
I took it easy and skipped the next class to be on the safe side. When I returned I began the weird warm-up exercise with the rest of the class, not wanting to be a diva and sit it out. BIG MISTAKE. As I was furiously trying to keep up with the person in front and not hold up the person behind, I felt my legs tense up again. Just as the teacher told us to change direction, 'SNAP!'. 'Oh Christ I've done it again'. Except this time it felt so much worse. I then felt what seemed like a thousand hot sharp little pins stabbing me all over the same area. I tried to carry on but had to just mark out the moves in a lot of the exercises.
By this point I'm sure the teacher and other ladies in class must have thought I was such a drama Queen. This had happened twice and I was already weak and not performing well in class anyway. I knew I would be embarrassed by the limitations of my body, especially after my abdominal surgery a few years before, but I didn't expect this to happen.
I got so angry, thinking this issue would now never go away. I told myself that this time I must take it really seriously and seek professional help so sort it once and for all. I sought out a local physiotherapist who specialised in gymnastics and dancing injuries.
After assessment she told me I had a grade 2 muscle tear right at the bottom of my calf. She said it was quite bad and might take between 6-12 weeks to heal properly. She advised that I stay away from class until I am healed completely or I would only keep doing the same thing again. Then it really would become a constant area of weakness. I'd told her I'd done it previously about a month ago and what my GP had said. She told me you should always seek a physio after anything muscle related because GP's aren't specialists. If you are dancing or taking part in any type of physical activity regularly, then you should really see an expert.
Apparently I was lucky I didn't tear my Achilles tendon because that would have been much worse. She went on to say that after examining me, she could feel a small little 'hole' where the tear was, so the GP couldn't have done a very thorough investigation. I did say that he had only examined the first time I'd torn it, to be fair.
So I spent the next 12 weeks off ballet having treatments, grumpy at the fact I would have to go back to the beginning, yet again!
(My calf taped up, after treatment from the physio)
I think I had taken things too quickly and stayed at a class which I knew wasn't right for me. I should have stuck with the one class and built up slowly to two but ballet is so addictive you just want to run before you can walk! Or grande jeté before you grande battement!
Top Tips:
- Don't go to a GP for muscle pulls/tears - always seek a professional.
- Don't do an exercise you know you shouldn't just because you don't want to be embarrassed.
- NEVER return to class because you're itching to get back when you haven't fully healed properly.
All lessons which I had to learn the hard way.
